It takes a strong heart to love. It takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it has been hurt.

11 October, 3am .

If you still love her, go back to her. I dont mind. Like what i told you, you belong to her. Now i'm the one giving up, stepping out in this relationship, asking you to go back to her. I'm letting go of everything now. If i knew, 3 of us will get hurt, i won't involved in this relationship, & i never will. I'll only let myself to be hurt, one is better than three isn't it? I'm letting go of those plans we'd made. I'm giving back you your freedom, you can smoke or say vulgar whenever you like. I've got lots of things that's kept in my heart, I didn't say out, i kept saying nothing. I dont want to make a big fuss over it. If i know, there'll be an end in this relationship, i won't step into this relationship. Once i thought i was strong, i'll not break down no matter what, but i broke down today. I feel like crying, but i force myself not to. Yesterday night i lied to you, i told you i wanna go sleep, but i didn't cos i know, I'll sure scold you for nothing, so i chose to put down the phone & told you i wanna go sleep. I'm trying to tolerate my attitude already. How i wish i can sleep & never be awake. Why did love exist in this world? Ask me for my private blog, i'll give, there's nothing to be secretive already. Some friends asked me to give up, they dont wanna see me like this. Yet another group of friends asked me to persevere on no matter what. & now it's the time that i should learn to be independent, making my own decisions. Should i let go, should i hang on? I dont know. I feel like dying right now.

Should i go for my nose surgery? Minor one, but i'm afraid. I've delayed for few months already. I dont want to see the doctor, i dont want go hospital, i dont want to go back for check up everymonth, i dont want to eat medicine & i dont want to go for nose surgery, but i'm afraid that my sickness will come back someday if i dont go for the surgery & i dont wanna loss of blood! Sometimes i'm already feeling giddy & i know i'll faint one day, i didn't tell my family, i don't want them to be worry, isit i didnt have much blood? Confused. Let me die instead. Don't ask me what happen, close one will know.
Thanks K Laopeh for cheering me up, you're the one who always be there for me.

Labels: I love you still..